a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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