my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
