I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
