Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
