just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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