Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
