We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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