Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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