Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
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