The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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