In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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