So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
