I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
