checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
