I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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