Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
