i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
