I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
