Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
