she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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