You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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