I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
