During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm really busy with my period
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