Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
