Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
