I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
