So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
