The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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