Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
