I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
