I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
