dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
