Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
