so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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