I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
