Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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