Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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