so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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