Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
