i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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