just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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