is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
