please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
