I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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