Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
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