either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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