No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
