what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
