uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
