Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
