people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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