Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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