dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
