Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
