So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
