I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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