my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
